When I was signing up for Tripod, on the registration page, the year of birth section went up to 2002. I think it's nice that they allow newborns the opportunity to make their own websites.
I think the rock group "Garbage" is the most appropriately named band out there.
I used to play SimCity3000....ALOT! Then, I once found myself playing it at 11:30 PM on a Saturday night. Let us never speak of this again.
I hate how parents play mind games with you. For example, sometimes my mom will keep insisting that I'm acting 'cranky.' By doing this, she finally provokes an angry response from me that makes me appear 'cranky;' thus proving her point.
I hate how some people try to convert me. What kind of an incentive is it for me to join their religion if they have to go out recruiting people. If it was that great, people would join on their own.
I hate it when my parents walk in on me when I'm watching porn, because there's always that awkward silence before they start lecturing me.
People that are popular because they're rich really piss me off. The only thing that keeps me from kicking them in the face, is the wishful idea that one day they may invite me to their house.
I hate old men in speedos. When I was in Cancun, I swear there were more old Canadian men in speedos than hot and drunk college girls.
I think it's stupid that we put old people in homes when they get senile and lose all their inhibitions. They should let them wander the streets, and we could get prizes and stuff for catching them in nets.
I think the Nickelodeon executives, who cancelled "Salute Your Shorts," and "My Brother and Me," should be shot. These are the same jackasses who have kept the Rugrats the same age for 11 years.
I hate that you can't say 'what's up' in any form or context, without the sinking
feeling that some moron will yell, "WAZZZZZUUUUUUUUUUUP!!"
Racism is really stupid and pointless. I don't think the one-toothed, inbred, whitetrash, uneducated, southern hillbillies understand that they're a bigger target for prejudice and mockery, than any of the groups they hate.
I hate this unending noise over the racist connections to the Washington Redskins name. Maybe the new team name should be in honor of those who are making this such an issue. The name can be the married, unemployed, PMSy, oversensitive, white bitches.
I can't stand the term 'beginner's luck.' It's just a self-denial expression used by those who have sunk years of their life into something they still suck at, and can't come to terms with the fact that they've wasted their time with the whole thing, because others, who have never done it before, can do it better.
I can't decide which is funnier: the country of Canada, or the people who live there.
Would it still be called a cockpit, if there was a woman pilot?
The essence of hillbilly thinking is evident in the advertisements on Nascars. Some idiot probably thought he was being really smart and making a brilliant marketing decision, by slapping little stickers all over cars that go by at 180 mph.
There's nothing funnier than watching an old person get arrested.
TRUE STORY: This is what a girl said to me, when she was giving directions to her house: "After the stop sign, our house is the one with the white car not in the driveway."
If a black box can survive a plane crash, then in my opinion, it doesn't take a goddam genius to realize that we should build the airplanes out of that same stuff.
Here's my deal with the Herbal Essence's commercials. I like the whole idea of the hot chick washing her hair and like somewhat orgasming in the process. BUT if they ever show that old woman showering, (you know, the one who says, "I hope those boys come back for the body wash") that's when I switch to Head and Shoulders.
ANOTHER TRUE STORY: I have a huge fear of snakes. So when I saw one while cutting grass, needless to say, I was scared crapless. I immediately stopped cutting and went back to my house to get a drink and compose myself. When my dad inquired why I had stopped cutting, I told him about the snake. Trying to provide myself with some positive reassurance, I remarked to him, "It was a little brown one....probably just a harmless garder snake." To this, my dad replied, "Well don't kid yourself, son. It could be a water moccasin and those damn things bite. Now stop stalling and get back to mowing."
YET ANOTHER TRUE STORY: Robbie and I were driving home from the bowling alley with our friend we'll call "Eitan". He was throwing pennies out the window and after our persistent orders for him to stop, he retorted, "It's OK! A homeless bird will get them."
ANOTHER TRUE STORY: This summer, while in San Diego, I suggested to my mom that we go to the zoo. (since its supposed to be the best in the world) To this, she replied, "Why would you want to go to a zoo!?? If you've seen one zeba, you've seen them all!!!
Why is the term "murdered in cold blood" used so often? Is it a more severe penalty for murdering someone in cold blood, than it is in lukewarm or hot blood?
My mom decided that the best way to keep two glass bottles of lemonade was to put them in the freezer.
It really bothers me the way animal rights activists put those "eating animals" stickers on stop signs so they read "Stop Eating Animals." What are they expecting people to do.....just be driving along, look at the sign, and be like "I never thought of it that way. OK, I'll stop eating animals."
